Monthly Archive: August 2016

worst

absolutely cursed
mother’s gotta wanna
‘nother universe

it wouldn’t
be the second or
even the first

of all the different
realms that are
interspersed

in the very
fabric in which she
is immersed

but the greater
that she tries
to transverse

she’s treading all
the beats of time
in reverse

one by one
she wonders which
has got it worse

hope she keeps
reading all
of this verse

then there might
be a way
to converse

or at least a
better method
to traverse

yet before it stops
she’s gotta start
to rehearse

just hoping
that my writing isn’t
too perverse

what’s that about?

have you ever found
that the last thing you
remember about a dream
you had last night
disappeared faster
than you could recall?

it was not the last thing
you did because you sense
as you watched
whatever it was
fade away into
the distance that
you can no longer
quite put your finger on
that you had done
something else altogether

but you know that you knew
what it was when you
already couldn’t recall
that other thing
that was SO important to you
that you almost remember
telling yourself
you HAD to retain a clear
idea of it
after you woke up

yet there had been
a part of you that thought
it WAS awake then so that also
blurs things a bit when
you later try to recall
who exactly you were
and what you were doing
in that place that is now
no longer happening
for real

or is it?

as you look around you now
it doesn’t seem like any
of what you see
or what you are doing
is particularly
better suited for
permanence than what you
almost but not quite
remember dreaming before

could it be that you are now
about to awaken as another
self who has been dreaming
whatever it is
that you seem to be
a part of now

especially since everything
around you already
might be showing signs
of dissolving around the edges
that later this may be
so dimly known
that its disappearance
leads to further speculation
about the nature of who
you think you are
altogether

you speak

you speak
as if you’ve never spoken before
though the halls of time
resound with the echoes of your wisdoms

taken together
spring glimmers from your words
summer winters
while autumns fall

and those of who you really are
beyond the truth
of what’s involved

every you that
keeps the flame
far deeper in than any game

or any nascent backwards blame
slipping in between the dream
we know you are
and have always been
more than what you ever seem

this twisted spork

this twisted spork
causes vibrations
in the engram
of the brain pan
that surrounds me
at the same time
that they ground me

could something be
deeper than
what we can already see?

if you’ve found me
then this twisted spork
that’s bound me
to all these thoughts
around me

has taken care of
slowing what will
never quite
fully or completely
drown me

and knowing that
since matters since
still seem so apt to
really quite
astound me

if you’ll agree
profoundly
to aid my destiny
then this twisted spork
that crowns me

far deeper in than
what ever could
openly confound me

will take the sleeper
on the tracks
bumping most unsoundly

till up is down
and down is up
with this twisted spork
all round me

dad

back in the day
my dad once successfully fought off the unions
at the wholesale plumbing supply company
he had formed with his partner Ben years before

I remember it as a proud tale told in triumph
by the little-guy owners of the small shop
him and Ben had made successful

some shadowy characters
with connections to the Cleveland mob
were trying to get the shop’s workers
to join their union

after a long night’s meeting
of confrontation, talk and cooperation
the little guys won the day
and sent the mob goons packing

and even though I was still only a child
something in me recognized the wisdom
of standing up against power
when it is being wielded without light

I didn’t know that until I just wrote it now
but it’s obvious that this impulse still drives me

I remember back when our family took its
annual summer vacation trips
my dad driving the station wagon
to some new state
we had never been to before

he always arranged to contact Ben
when we arrived at our destination
by calling collect from a pay phone
and asking for his own name, Fred

it was a sort of code they had worked out

Ben would answer and say that Fred wasn’t there
that he was traveling on vacation

and my dad would somehow convey
through a sort of back and forth
three-way conversation
with the operator and Ben
that we had arrived

a call to the operator was free
so he didn’t have to pay a dime
which I think is what a pay phone
cost back then

I sat in the station wagon with my mom
sisters and irritating little brother
in the parking lot of whatever
motel or campsite or beach cabana
we’d just arrived at
and tried to read my dad’s lips
as he spoke on the phone

I was really into codes and formulas back then
and mysteries
but I couldn’t really read lips
and I’d just gotten my first pair of glasses
horn rimmed and sticking up over my large ears
and I hadn’t gotten used to them yet
so I couldn’t really make out
anything he really might be saying

he always encouraged my imagination
so I had no lack of scenarios
that were about to happen
running through my mind
that I had to be prepared for

at dinner in the restaurant that night
assassin ninjas could be about to
spring from the shadows in the rafters out of nowhere
clad all in black, of course
with blowdart pipes and throwing stars
aimed in every direction
poison-tipped and ready to strike

I would’ve already planned a way
such as slashing the cord holding
the large, heavy chandelier
way above all the tables
but it would have to be just at the right moment
to brain the ninjas all at once while they were
jumping down to attack

I’m glad if I can eke out a poem a day
I’m not sure if my dad would understand them
if he were around anymore

hell, I don’t even understand most of them myself
but I know he’d encourage me to continue writing
and building worlds with my words

and even though I had never until now
considered this
maybe I am writing this for my dad
and all the other gregarious dads
who encouraged their sons and daughters
in even just some small way
to be fully creative and humorous and bold
as we possibly could be
then or now

damn fish-munching suckrats

never let up
never knew a one of them
who’d set you free
nothing spoken for
as they bark out their plea

we can trade them all in
even though we tried that before
when the hell-clucking pigdogs
once held sway on the floor

we’ve got to look deep
at what we all hold inside
can no longer just sleep
and go along for the ride

it’s all of our togethers
attended as one
yet the pigrats have stayed
despite what we’ve done

I know I can’t sway
your mind beyond now
but I do know we’ve got
to stand up anyhow

say no to the suckrats
and their campaign of fear
since the consequences we face
are now utterly clear

just hold up your shine
to the whole human race
and become who you are
and embrace just in case

almost

to me gratitude seems like
almost the best response
to almost anything

I can see you struggling with this
in your business suits
and your crumpled shirts
with your dirty nappies
and the shoes that you picked out today
and the times that you’re living in
where things happen
that don’t seem to inspire gratitude at all
but quite the opposite

the politics and wars and lies and greed
the hurt that none of us say we want
but carry along like nursing children
losing bits of teeth and sweat and bones
along the road each step we tread alone

but let me ask you this:
would you rather not be?

would you rather the capacity to exist
be withdrawn back into
the source of all that is
and the thrill that still lights you up
(yes, even now, amidst it all)
had never known your journey
among friends and lovers and family
the good people of the land
and even the not-so-good ones
and your struggles and challenges
and failures and triumphs

would you rather not have had
any or part of that at all?

or would you rather celebrate with me
in gratitude
who you are
what you have been
who you will surrender to be

among all the mysteries
that almost could ever be

dating

I’ve traveled far
and am awaiting
upon the beckoning
of dating

one can’t ignore
such graceful craving
that pulls us in and
helps with mating

we never know
who could be waiting
to keep our hearts
fit for saving

as thoroughly
captivating
as loving reaches
out pervading

yet through my own
anticipating
I’ve put up some
armor plating

and though I try
still relating
I find myself
hesitating

I know the answer’s
devastating
and see that I am
only skating

on thin ice that
I’ve been creating
before my mood can
start its fading

so here’s to thorough
liberating
and stripping down of
extra lading

I’ll open now through
what’s been aching
and surrender all to
love’s persuading

in limbo

so I started a support ticket last night
yet I know it wasn’t quite right

I was told:

“You can be a little hard on others and bold
since your expectations of them
are probably too high.”

so I dialed it down by
stopping expecting, well
I stopped expecting, hell
anything at all

“Avoid impulsive actions that stall.”

so I sat down next to a tree
and just started watching me be

one breath after the other
plenty of time to recover

“You feel closed in by circumstances.”

and there is indeed
a sense of dances
closing in the world outside

“Take a break from your ride.”

but I had already tried not trying
yet when I stopped I’d be lying

if everything that congealed before
hasn’t released again once more

“You will be able to cope
with anything that arises.”

and while this seems true
I hope
this only symbolizes

the opening of a window
that will let me out of my limbo

with my last breath

I watch how space unfolds
before my eyes
and time rebounds
around her thighs

my light has gone
it’s sinking fast
the nightless dawn
it cannot last

in truth such bliss
will never die
as I take her kiss
my lips bone dry

with one last thought
upon my breath
what have I brought
to my own death